The Reality of Prison pt 1

Stalwart Speaks the unfiltered realities of prison life from daily routines and mental health. Through raw accounts and expert insights, we explore daily routines, and the psychological toll to our lives inside these walls. A must listen for anyone wanting an authentic look.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Cartel's Commentary. Thank you again for tuning in with us once a day and supporting us. Welcome all our Starbucks. I am feeling I'm feeling good. Feeling good. It's hot, but I'm making it. It is definitely hot. It is better than it has been the past few days. I say that much. So today we we're going to dive into our topic today. I'm going to tell us almost what we're going to be talking about today. We're going to be talking about reality. When it comes to when it comes to our reality, like what are some things you think of? What like L reality like far like being exhaustated? Yeah, I'm glad you said that because that was one of the first things that came to my my mind when I asked you. So yeah, like when it comes to our reality of being incarcerated, like, what do you really think of? I can say I can say headaches. Um I can say some pain, loneliness, especially loneliness in this place, like a reality, like, especially if you really don't like have nobody in here or like family members out there that you can talk to. The reality in here is you definitely be alone. Oh, yeah, that's that's a big one for for a lot of us in here. You feel that uh some people's reality in here is worse than others? 100%. That is a hundred percent true because like my reality in here as of right now is I'm on lockup, I got 90 days, and I have 60 years, I have a 60 year sentence. Now, someone else's reality could be they got 120 days on lockup and they have double life that they cannot get back. So, like you say, is old people's reality in here or is it in other people's absolutely? Yeah, so you know, when it when it comes to reality, there's a concept where it's like a mirror thing. It's it's two different things when it comes to reality. There's reality itself, and there's what's called a virtual reality. So, you know, of course, like I say, reality is is complete facts, looking at things in a in a 100% truthful way. But virtual reality is kind of like it's based on perception. And, you know, like you say, like your virtual reality would be it's it could be what was me and it's a lot harder for you than somebody that in reality have a longer sentence or uh a tougher circumstance. But like we say, like uh those words like tough or long, you know, those are all you know, they they go into how we feel about the situation and it's all perception, you know. Have you ever uh been around people that like downplay other people's situations? Absolutely. That go that that that happens a lot in here, and like that that happens a lot. So do you do you feel like people be downplaying uh other people's uh situations? I mean, I used to, I definitely used to do that. I used to I I definitely used to do that when I was younger, when I didn't really understand that my situation is my situation and yours is yours. My situation is no bigger than yours, and yours is no little or bigger than mine. Your situation is your situation. And it's just it it it's just like how it goes like back here on Rakla. Like, because like today, like we didn't eat, we supposed to eat lunch before 12:30. Today we didn't eat lunch until 3.19 is when L Slot opened up for lunch. Now, with that being said, we ate lunch that late because you had a bunch of incarcerated individuals back here on lockup that was trying to get like their situations to care of. Because like back here on local, one thing that these offices do back here that is like crazy is like, say for instance, you got a medical problem. Or you stop them at your door, you show them your medical problem, or your medical problem is visible, like you have a swollen wrist. It's visible. You show them like my wrist is swollen, I can't use it, like it literally hurts for me to move it. So they see it, and then it's like they don't want to do nothing about it. They tell you that they're gonna go, like, tell medical calls and nurse or something, and then they come right back up and tell you to put like a sick call in. But I say it all that to say it was multiple people holding like their slots today about their issues, and you had multiple other people that was in the cell that was trying to make it like their problems wasn't nothing. But like I always told dude, like, you don't know what the next man is going through. Like, because you know how to deal with that situation or you dealt with that situation good in the past, that doesn't mean he built to deal with that situation like how you deal with it. I really like how you put that. And like it it's very important for for us, like you say, when when we're in those situations where we're going through things and with each other and having problems, to really focus on what's in common, what we have in common. Like you say, for all of us, we had different problems back here, whether we're hungry or we need stuff, and at the end of the day, like all all of our problems, they can they can get in the way of each other. And and that's what stresses us, that's what stresses our moon more than anything. I think so. And like you say, that is that is the main problem back here. Like I see you said, there's that's one of the main problems back here, like a lot of our a lot of our issues and stuff getting put off. And then it's like once you once you see like an officer that you know cares about us, like they tempathized on us, they they want us to get the help that we need, then it's like, like you say, then it's like we're putting a lot on one officer. So it's it it gets pretty chaotic back here. Our reality right now, uh, and our reality right now, I can say in one word, it's chaotic. Yeah, because like uh like when it comes down to like our resources for help are are dwindled too, you know. Like, we don't have the like out there in the in the free world how you can go places or you can go right online, and there's there might be different phone numbers or different places or people you can talk to, like for us we are limited. So with that being said, that that also causes problem for us because when you have some people feeling like their problems are priority, they also on top of it a little bit more because of the donor resource. And because of that, also it's like the resources we use now, they be looking at our realities like like they are less sometimes, and that causes problems. You ain't never a lot about that now. You know, it's crazy that we're talking about it because we had uh it was a show that we were watching. It was a show that we were watching, and it was about like what is reality. And like the dude said something in there about like what is reality. But I want to read this now, you know, you know, when we're talking about this, I always want to give uh Star Wars like word-for-word definition as to what we're talking about. So we're on the topic of reality, so you know the root word of reality is real, so the word real means above or relating to fixed or immovable things. Number two, not artificial, number three, not imaginary. Now, reality. The quality or state of being real something that is real, the totality of things and uh the totality of real things and events. Now, another thing that I did was like when we did our last episode about freedom. And when you hear the word reality, what are some of the first things that come to mind? So, you know, Mass Carlos World has been asking me this question, but I'm asking myself, and I'm gonna ask him when I'm done. So, what are three things that come to mind when I think of when I hear the word reality? So the first one I thought of when I hear the word reality was physical being. And I say that because like my reality, like, I'm here in this physical being form. So that's why I like that's why I thought of that, like a person. My second one was like your own thoughts. And I asked Manshaw, like, could I use that? And that was what we came up with us, that's you can use it because that's your virtual reality. So that's how I got that. And my other reality is I don't know, because like I say, I I I was still I was still contemplating on this one because I seen we was watching a show on a tablet about, like I say, the show was called What is Reality? And I remember one thing that he said in there, and he said that reality, like out your reality is like literally like based on what you perceive, I think is what he said. Like your reality is like whatever you perceive it to be. And there was another thing that he said in there about like our reality. He was saying that like uh us being on like this planet, he was demonstrating, he was, he was, yeah, he was demonstrating that like this down here is not reality. He was saying that it's like a reflection, like how you see, like during the day, when you see, when you look up in the sky and you see that it's blue, you know that the sky's not actually blue. So when he was saying that, like uh it makes sense because when you look up in the sky during the day, it's blue, but when we look up at it at night, it's dark. It's supposed to be dark. When it's blue during the day, it's only because it's reflecting the ocean. Our oceans are reflecting off the sun. So when we look up, we're actually literally looking at our oceans for real. We're looking at the reflection of our waters. So I liked it when he said that, like, because like, and that's something that I want to dig in deeper, and we will. But we're gonna ex NASCAR. When you hear the word reality, what are three things you think about? So one thing that I think about when I think about reality is you know, the facts. Because I know sometimes our reality can be overwhelming, and and our like our emotions, like I always say, like, like me, I'm a person that wears my heart on my sleeve. So my my emotions can can over can not overtake me, but they can seem surreal. And that that that is why one of the that is one of the words that I think of when I hear reality. And another one I I think of as like inevitable, like things that are kind of out of our control. You know, that helps me, that helps me like keep my stress levels down, you know, th thinking of my reality and and the things that I that are out of my control. Because no just knowing that, it helps me focus on those things that I can control. And, you know, another thing that I think about when I think about my reality here in prison is really uh I would say my reality is like my reality is purpose-driven. Because, you know, like being in here, you you constantly like you see stuff all the time that you kind of want to get away from. Like that's my reality, like, you know, family is home, people you love is home. It's you know, like, of course, it's c it's comfortable. Everything that you can think of, you know, it's it's out there. And being here, being reminded of that every day, it's like it's a bittersweet reality because it it keeps you motivated, don't don't ever let you get too too lax. And you know, that leads me to uh talk to something something else I wanted to talk about when it comes to our reality in here. You know, it's uh uh it's a phrase, and it's called community over competition. So I'm gonna tell us though a little bit about the the reality about uh how the community is in here and how the competition is in here. Yeah, well, and I gotta be my last one for reality. So my last or my last thought when I hear the word reality was I just thought was acceptable. Accept and acceptable. And I say that because like we gotta accept who we are and we gotta just like we gotta be accepting to our reality as of right now. Like, I mean, we can't do nothing about it. Like, as of right now, we can't do nothing about it. But to move on, community over competition. Uh yeah, so like like I was saying, the the frames it it helps us kind of focus on, like we were saying earlier, how we can be better as as a community and together, better together than we can be competing against each other. What like what what do you think about when you hear community over competition? Community level conversation, that's something that we all should strive for when we are in, I can say, situations like this where you are when you are surrounded um when you are surrounded about when you're surrounded around a bunch of people you don't know and a bunch of people that may not be directly like you, or y'all may have y'all may not have a lot in common or stuff like that. But when we're talking about community over competition, get away from where we're different at and we go to where we're similar at. Because it's easier to focus on where we are different at. And it's a lot harder to focus on the L similarity. And a lot of people, you know, a lot of people, a lot of people run from that for real. A lot of people run from that because of them not knowing truly who they are. So with that being said, a lot of them doesn't, a lot of them don't know how to be a good neighbor. They never was a good neighbor. So like a lot of it is new to them and like like we know, like some people aren't ready for change. That's not their reality at the time. Some people like hide from change because they don't know, they they're afraid of they're afraid of what the what the next man may think or what the next man may say. But oh and and all I actually have, we always gotta remember you came into this world by yourself and you believe by yourself. Yeah, and I like that you say that because, you know, like I said in here earlier about like co about competition and our resources, like they're they are lesser. So you will, you know, it's kind of like a uh survival of the fittest in here sometimes, you know, and there it can be it can be feminine competition with that. And like one thing I always I always uh consider or tell people is that when we when we haven't the feminine competition and using that to to motivate us to do better and and things like that, we just always gotta keep in mind, you know, the the things that we do in order to win in competition. You know, like of course we all know like like the big three is no large healed steel, you know, certain things like that, like the the the competition is there to to help better us, you know, as long as we're not stepping on each other's toes to compete. Does that make sense? Absolutely. It makes a it makes a lot of sense because like you say, if you don't if you don't like voice that then you you will be we will we will be overwhelmed in here with that type of stuff because yeah, you know, it's kind of like like keeping up with the Joneses in here, you know, like we all come in here with the same stuff, you know, three shirts, two shaky boxes, whatever, just face of yourself, and then you know, the rest of the competition. Right. And like with that being said, like this place in here, it'll teach you, like, it'll teach you literally how to be a good neighbor too, because we live, we we we are in close, we are in close corners with each other, like all day, all the time. So with that being said, it's very easy to slip into that I don't keep that. I don't give a that I don't give a fucking attitude. It's very easy to slip into that end, like now your reality is distorted, like you're not seeing Shri. Oh yeah. And like that's that's another thing that really helps, or you say helps you with that concept of of being a a good neighbor. And you're like, you know, out there in the real world, when we see people uh or or have situations or conflicts, like the the thing is kind of like our we we can part ways and Kai don't have to deal with this anymore or deal with each other. Like you don't have to worry about being in them close quarters, like in here, you know, we you gotta live with these people, you know. It's like it's like in your house, like we, you know, everybody knows that whether it's your brothers, your sisters, your mother, your father, like we we argue with the people we live in close quarters with. So and it's kind of the same thing, but you even if it's a roommate, like you learn to take the good with the bad with them, learn to to tolerate and and deal with some of them things. Like I say, like you learn to tolerate that, it it helps you a little bit because you you know, like everybody's not perfect. You know, you're gonna run into those things. You know, it's it's it's a part of our reality. Yeah, if you take the words out of my mouth, I was just ready to say, like, that is a part of our reality in here. Like, you're going to, like you said, you're gonna run into stuff like that. And you know, like being in here, it definitely helped me be a good neighbor. And I say that because I used to be a very like bitter type person when it came to people that I didn't know. Like, I used to be a real bitter person. I really didn't like, I really didn't want to be around. So, like, and with that being said, like, so my reality in here has changed tremendously because now I'm more open to new friendships, I'm more open to more, I'm you know, I'm more open to new relationships with more diverse people that I like, people that I don't really, people that I knew, the people that I know years prior, I probably wouldn't not have been around or spoken to. So like with that being said, like like I say, my reality has changed a lot because I have opened up a lot more than I used to to like accept more, like, more good people in my life. Because if I like if I if I was to continue the reality that I was in, like, I would have probably been pushing, I probably would have been pushing God away. Because like I was pushing a lot of people away, like I say, that I didn't really know, or I felt as though it wasn't of my caliber. Oh, yeah, that's that's that's a big one for me too, because you know, in here, learn to be to not be so friendly, to not be even kind a little bit, like you just learn to have respect and take the the kindness out of it. It's hard and and like, you know, that's really a strength, especially in here to be kind, to be friendly, because like Elena said, like, it's hard for us to see people that are different or that we don't know, and engage them in in this environment because we always think somebody is trying to come up on a on a freebie or trying to get trying to get in or you know, whatever it might be, trying to invade in some way, shape, or form. They're not doing it just to socialize, to be a good neighbor. And that that like them them hidden mode, that mindset is something that being a good neighbor has helped me get away from too. You know, uh like a simple gesture, like you know, like you never know how you can make someone's day or meet somebody that you have a so much more in common with that you never would have knew, judging a book by his cover. Right, and that goes on a lot in here, like you said, judging the book box colour, that happens a lot in his face. Like NASCAR just said something that you just said something that was it about kindness? What? You just said it like you said, about kindness and how kindness is like uh uh a strength in here now. Boom. NASCAR says that he believes that kindness is a strength in prison in here, now I'm against that. I don't believe that kindness is a strength in a male's prison. I believe that kindness is a weakness, I believe that kindness is is a strength to the person, it's a strength to the individual that's being kind, that's that's displaying that. But these other people around here, like these other incarcerated individuals, they look at it as a weakness and they try to pounce on it. And like I literally got that, I literally got this from I was watching a video about a bunch of incarcerated individuals that did all of them did 15 plus years before they came home. Now, the male, one of the males was saying like one of his shrimps was like being kind, being gentle, uh uh uh uh being helping people and all that because he said when he got in there, after all after a few years, he started helping people. He was kind, and he felt he felt you have 60 seconds remaining. He thought he's felt he coming to jail house lawyer. All right, well, we want to thank y'all once again for tuning in to another episode of Cartel's Commentary. Make sure y'all leave a like and a comment with any questions y'all may have and share this one with one of your Star Wars. Start out two times.